The truth for once

So I’ll be honest. What I am trying to do is hard. And more over, being honest and all, I am quite sure that I will fail miserably. And even adding to this, I will fail over and over again. There are many out there who will say and have said, that you’ll make it, give me the good old pep talk. The truth is neither you nor I know that. This is a blind leap of faith (or stupidity, if there is a difference between the two) over or into the abyss. That’s the thrill of it all. But I will fail, of that I am certain.

Why mention this now? Why all this talk about failing? I guess everything have to come to an end and seeing bankruptcy coming closer, but still not completely eminent, every day is a constant reminder that I am once again running out of time and that I soon has to return to my other life and my other job. I must say I do feel the pressure for some sort of success, some sort of hard evidence that this was indeed a correct choice, though actually I should have no need for justification at all because I have enjoyed this time. I guess that is what should matter the most.

To close these ramblings: is this a depressing sob story or will it end well? I don’t know the answer to that. I only know this: I have failed a thousand times before. If I ever believed in failing I would never be where I am to day. Because it has never been about how many times I have failed. It has always been about hanging in there and not giving up. So for all of you out there who are wondering how the writings are going I will tell you the truth for once: I have no idea. I can only tell you this: I haven’t resigned yet.